Top 10 Signs You've Got a Bad Uke for Nage no Kata

by John Yarymowich

1. He arrives for your grading wearing a blue gi.
2. He starts jumping rope and listening to hip hop to "psych up" for the kata.
3. He fights for grips at the start of each sequence.
4. He knocks you out with his atemi during the ippon seoi nage sequence.
5. He tries to counter your harai goshi with utsuri goshi.
6. He pulls you down to the mat after sasae-tsurikomi ashi and tries to apply juji-gatame because "you only scored waza-ari dude".
7. When you grip for uchi-mata he whispers "who’s the Daddy NOW, mofo".
8. During tomoe nage, he does a smart gymnastic turnout and mumbles "nice try" while lining up for the left hand technique.
9. He refuses to leave the mat until a winner is declared.
10. You see your ex-girlfriend slipping him an envelope on the way out of the dojo.

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A Taoist story tells of an old man who accidentally fell into the river rapids leading to a high and dangerous waterfall. Onlookers feared for his life. Miraculously, he came out alive and unharmed downstream at the bottom of the falls. People asked him how he managed to survive. "I accommodated myself to the water, not the water to me. Without thinking, I allowed myself to be shaped by it. Plunging into the swirl, I came out with the swirl. This is how I survived."

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