by Neil Ohlenkamp
Proud Sponsor of the Judo Information Site

If Judo players ruled the world…

  • Visit JudoGirl.com
  • After every tournament the competitors would get a chance to randori with the referees.
  • There would be 385 different belt colors, so you could get promoted just for coming to a class.
  • Only sports that can be done barefoot would be allowed on TV.
  • Brazilian Jiujitsu students would all develop a painful rash on their backs so they would have to fight standing up.
  • The victors in any athletic competition would get to body slam the losers.
  • Judo would be a professional sport, and you’d get paid per fall.
  • Instead of beer belly, you’d get “beer biceps.”
  • A referee’s vocabulary would be limited to “Hajime” and “Ippon”.
  • Mats would stay clean by themselves.
  • To increase training opportunities, bars and nightclubs would be required to have mats.
  • Judogis would be acceptable business attire and everyone would have to wear them.
  • The old instructors would all be 40 years younger so you could really see how good they are.
  • It’d be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
  • Breaking up would be a lot easier. One successful choke would do it.
  • Your opponents would always weigh less than your little sister.
  • The TV show “Cops” would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
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