by John Yarymowich

1. He arrives for your grading wearing a blue gi.
2. He starts jumping rope and listening to hip hop to “psych up” for the kata.
3. He fights for grips at the start of each sequence.
4. He knocks you out with his atemi during the ippon seoi nage sequence.
5. He tries to counter your harai goshi with utsuri goshi.
6. He pulls you down to the mat after sasae-tsurikomi ashi and tries to apply juji-gatame because “you only scored waza-ari dude”.
7. When you grip for uchi-mata he whispers “who’s the Daddy NOW, mofo”.
8. During tomoe nage, he does a smart gymnastic turnout and mumbles “nice try” while lining up for the left hand technique.
9. He refuses to leave the mat until a winner is declared.
10. You see your ex-girlfriend slipping him an envelope on the way out of the dojo.

Matte!