By Neil Ohlenkamp

  1. The first and last words that you say every day is “Ouch”.
  2. The last time you gave a kiai your dentures projected across the dojo.
  3. Your training partner always begins each move with “Don’t worry, I won’t throw you”.
  4. If you try the same movement twice in a row you consider it uchikomi.
  5. Your belt and your hair have both turned white with age.
  6. Each time your training partner takes his grip he always says “Did I hurt you?”
  7. “A little action” means your prune juice is finally working.
  8. Your get up and go, like your knees, have long ago, got up and went.
  9. You are wondering if a walker is allowed in randori.
  10. You would rei but you are afraid of not getting back up.
  11. Your tokuiwaza is now geezer waza.
  12. Your favorite competition throw is a kata move.
  13. You hate meditation because you fall asleep.
  14. You barely have enough ki to pull up your judogi pants.
  15. Your favorite combination is Nuprin and Geritol.
  16. You do have a favorite hold-down but you can’t, for the life of you, remember it.
  17. The cute new girl asks you if its really true that you met Kano.
  18. You are adamant that tatami, like redwood, becomes petrified with age.
  19. Your Judo membership number is the Roman Numeral I.
  20. Your Life Membership certificate has the word “EXPIRED” stamped across it.
  21. More and more you wonder why it is called “The Gentle Way”.
  22. You remember when Judogi pants were above the knee.
  23. Your best technique is Ne Ne Waza (sleeping techniques).
  24. Your artificial joints squeak when you perform ogoshi.
  25. You are more active on the JudoForum than the Judo Mat.

“Remember, nothing hurts worse than pain.”
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