By Neil Ohlenkamp
- The first and last words that you say every day is “Ouch”.
- The last time you gave a kiai your dentures projected across the dojo.
- Your training partner always begins each move with “Don’t worry, I won’t throw you”.
- If you try the same movement twice in a row you consider it uchikomi.
- Your belt and your hair have both turned white with age.
- Each time your training partner takes his grip he always says “Did I hurt you?”
- “A little action” means your prune juice is finally working.
- Your get up and go, like your knees, have long ago, got up and went.
- You are wondering if a walker is allowed in randori.
- You would rei but you are afraid of not getting back up.
- Your tokuiwaza is now geezer waza.
- Your favorite competition throw is a kata move.
- You hate meditation because you fall asleep.
- You barely have enough ki to pull up your judogi pants.
- Your favorite combination is Nuprin and Geritol.
- You do have a favorite hold-down but you can’t, for the life of you, remember it.
- The cute new girl asks you if its really true that you met Kano.
- You are adamant that tatami, like redwood, becomes petrified with age.
- Your Judo membership number is the Roman Numeral I.
- Your Life Membership certificate has the word “EXPIRED” stamped across it.
- More and more you wonder why it is called “The Gentle Way”.
- You remember when Judogi pants were above the knee.
- Your best technique is Ne Ne Waza (sleeping techniques).
- Your artificial joints squeak when you perform ogoshi.
- You are more active on the JudoForum than the Judo Mat.